Your Regularly Scheduled Beast-Feeding

Some housecleaning here: The secret to winning hdouble's home game tourney is, apparently, declaring victory in advance. (Sorry, guys: I'm declaring victory from now until the end of 2006.) Also getting a dynamite run of cards. Helps when your early-position raise with the Hammer turns trips against Joe Speaker's AKo (he flopped an ace). Picking up kings and queens at the right time doesn't hurt either. I was thinking it was another bubblish finish for me when I found cowboys at the final table and Jon Kastehoovegetikanich had popped it up with tens. Figures I finally bust some players when we stop issuing bounty chips. I got lucky and outdrew hdouble's weak ace with Q5s when threehanded, putting him on the rail and me heads-up with newcomer change100. She had me outchipped by about 2:1, but the blinds were huge by that point - I had maybe 7BB or so. I'm on the button for the first hand and peek down at... K fucking K, baby. (change100: now you know!) I raise to 3xBB, she calls. The flop is ragged but two-suited and she checks to me. I'm committed to the hand and figure I might as well shove, not wanting a backdoor draw to come in or an ace to hit the board. My stack is about a pot-size bet anyway. She (probably wisely) folds. The next hand she returns the favor, popping me to 3xBB. I look down at... 2 fucking 7o, baby. I think I've hit my quota for Hammer suckouts on the night and hence surrender my blind. Suddenly we're about dead even in chips. Third hand, it's my button. I have 58o. I think about raising but my rock-paper-scissors sensor is telling me I'll get re-popped so I just call. She checks and we see a flop of 67J rainbow. She checks again; I think about betting my OESD but would rather see a free card, because she could easily have a piece of that flop. Turn is a 4 and I have the nuts. I'm trying to figure out how to get value out of it when change100 moves all-in. Uh, I call? She had 47 for a turned two pair and didn't boat on the river. And thus endeth my dry spell on Murderer's Row. I promptly donked off a good portion of my win in hdouble's Most Unfortunately Named HE/Pineapple Variant Ever. As I'm not the originator of the game I won't reveal the name, but suffice it to say that it's an appropriate moniker for a game that makes you want to kill others, then yourself. It's been a good (if wild) week for me poker-wise. I dipped my toe in at 10/20 and nearly doubled my buy-ins on two separate occasions. If it weren't for some particularly loathsome beats I'd be up in the low four figures this week. To wit(Those of you uninterested in hand histories (oral histories, as I am lazy) can stop reading now.): One limper behind, I raise with JJ in the CO, BB calls, limper calls. Flop: J44. I swear and figure I'm not going to win a sou on this hand (I'm right, but for the wrong reasons). BB bets, limper calls, I call. Turn is a rag, BB bets again, limper calls, I raise, BB calls, limper reraises, I cap, BB folds his presumptive flush draw, limper calls. River 4, limper bets, I raise, he threebets, I call. He turns over 24s for the one-outer. And here's the biggest pot I've ever lost, around $300: It's a loose 10/20 table. UTG raiser gets three callers; I am BB with 99. Heads-up against this UTG raiser normally I'd reraise here but there's no chance to limit the field and 99 doesn't like a whole bunch of opponents. I call. Flop: 9d4c5s. Top set is ok by me. SB checks, I check, UTG bets (with, I suspect, ace high), MP1 folds, MP2 calls, SB calls, I call. Turn: 7h. Not my favorite card but I don't think anyone has 86 or 36 in this pot so I want to play it strong. SB checks, I check, UTG bets again, MP2 calls, SB folds, I raise, UTG folds (ha!) MP2 calls. River: 6s. Ugh. Yeah, there's four to the straight on the board, but I have a pretty solid read on MP2 and that read is that he is a moron. He could easily be calling me with ATo. So I value-bet my top set here. I let out a mental "Ship it!" when he just calls... and then turns over 88 for the rivered gutshot. Dude. YOU HAVE TWO OF THE EIGHTS. If you hit the straight, how do you not raise there? All for now. I'm currently working on an uber-essay about Steven Wright and poker. I have a theory. That's all I'm saying for now.


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