Jaywalker's Row

(a.k.a. It's Friday Night - Do You Know Where Your Chips Went?) Once a week, a small, dedicated band of Los Angeles-area poker players converges on a Westwood home, a poorly air-conditioned apartment that is apparently located over a geothermal vent of some kind. Seriously, it's a wonder that the chips don't melt. Last week I got so dehydrated that I was verging on heat stroke and had to throw up in the main bathroom's blissfully cool porcelain masterpiece of a toilet. Yeah, yeah. You can laugh all you want, motherfuckers, because I did not miss a hand. In certain circles it has become de rigeur to shout out to one's fellow bloggers, give props and make cracks about their games. Let it never be said that Mr. Absinthe Serious does not know the way the wind is blowing: hdouble - our always gracious host who's undoubtedly lost money to the game just by providing it with a poorly-reimbursed supply of pizza and beer. (I'll getcha next time, I swear.) His 'big, juicy chess-club brain' lets him strike the right balance between giving action and making tough folds. Has an amazing sense of when a marginal hand is good in a multiway pot. Generous with praise for fellow players as well; it's all part of his master plan to lull everyone into a false sense of superiority, which he'll exploit when the rest of us make our climb up to the 30/60 games. I survive in hands with him only due to a simple but devastating tell I picked up on him entirely by accident. Hank, I'll give it up for $2K. Like your PokerTracker guide, it'll be worth every penny. The Poker Geek - about whom I must lay to rest a controversy that has raged since the Friday game's inception: I hereby decree that the Geek shall from this day forth be nicknamed 'Coco', and that is that. Coco's aggression makes him The Player Most Likely To Be Dominated, but his table image gives him a lot of action when he's got a big hand, and when he's got cards in front of him he'll do whatever he can to take the chips in the middle. Lest this be viewed as damning with faint praise, I'll stand up here and say that I admire Coco's game, even though I could never play it, and that in tourneys with a more forgiving blind structure I'd back him over anyone else in the game. MrsCoco - the Geek's better half, in every way possible. (Sorry, Coco, but I gotta be results-oriented for this paragraph). Pretty solid for a beginner, and with a better record than I've got. Glyphic - a rock-solid player who seems reluctant to adapt his game to the table, and therefore is subject to many, many bad beats. One of only two players in the game whose raises deserve even a modicum of respect, and I ain't sayin' who the other is. Calm and cool under pressure, he makes fantastic calls in difficult situations. Then the suckouts, they fall like the rain. Bill Rini - a dynamite position player whose unreadability and unpredictability make him a dangerous opponent. I have zero tells on him and thus have to rely entirely on betting patterns and the recall of past hands when I'm in a pot with him, which is not easy after the third beer. He's better at getting other people's money in the pot when they're a 9-to-1 dog than anyone else in the game. Unfortunately he is also better at losing pots when he's a 9-to-1 favorite than anyone else in the county. Joe Speaker - a regrettably unfrequent guest in the game whose easy smile and boisterous nature belie a shrewd mind. I haven't played with him often enough to have an opinion of his tournament game, but his stellar results (and his hilarious, beer-fueled tourney blow-by-blows) speak for themselves; his cash game, meanwhile, seems to walk the fine line between brilliance and madness. Always seems to wind up on my left. I don't like him on my left. He once taught me a great lesson about straddling when he runner-runnered a flush and dragged a big pot. Good: He didn't win it from me. Bad: He won it from someone I was staking at the time. Fhwrdh - absolutely bar none the finest dealer in the game. Haha, I funny! I'd have more comments on his game but I can't figure it out. Mostly when he's in a pot I look for a reason to fold, and being me, I usually find it. MrsHDouble - owes me about $350 in expected value. I'll have many nice things to say about her when I finally get it. Pay up, grampa! Lance - the host of the Infamous Home Game is an aggressive player who relies on others to overplay their hands and has an unshakeable faith in the poker gods. In other words, against Lance, four outs is four too many. John Kastehoovigetikanich - a relatively new and currently blogless Tilter, I am reasonably certain that his last name is not Kastehoovigetikanich, but I suck at names. His head is fuzzy. The outside, I mean, not the inside. Up until last Friday I would have described his game as inscrutable, but at long last I think I may have found a crack in it. But until I have a chance to test my theories I ain't sayin' nothin'.


Blogger StudioGlyphic said...

I like the sound of "Coco," but at least with "No. 5" you give him a chance to explain it away as an '80's Steve Guttenberg robot movie reference.

10/24/2005 11:53:00 AM  
Anonymous fhwrdh said...

thats 3 fucking years of dealer school, my friend. long enough to ensure that you will never again receive a hand that adds to more than ten.

and 'no. 5' doesn't roll off the tongue like coco does. plus, it alliterates nicely with mrs.coco's name.

10/24/2005 10:53:00 PM  
Blogger StudioGlyphic said...


10/25/2005 08:54:00 AM  
Blogger Joe Speaker said...

Seriously, the next person who referes to "Coco" as anything other than "Coco" is OFF my blogroll.

10/26/2005 02:46:00 PM  

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