How I Play Tournaments

1. Limp early on with some speculative hands and suited connectors when in good position; miss flop completely; fold. Repeat until stack is reduced by half. Alternately, flop a monster draw but miss. 2. Go card dead and fold until I have 5-10BB left. Move from 'Conservation Mode' to 'Survival Mode'. 'Survival Mode' is like 'Conservation Mode' except that there is more folding since blind theft is no longer an option. 3. Receive many marginal hands and make incredibly good laydowns (pair under pair, dominated). As a consolation prize for playing weak/tight, bolster my undeserved reputation as a disciplined player. 4. Finally catch a decent hand and move all-in, invariably being called by a hand that ranges from moderately inferior to crushingly dominated. Lose to a runner-runner draw, a two- or three-outer, or flop a 17-outs-twice draw and lose. 5. Accidentally knock something over upon my graceless exit, implying that I am a sore loser when I am actually just very, very clumsy.


Blogger Bill Rini said...

Now I know your strategy

10/23/2005 06:54:00 PM  
Anonymous fhwrdh said...

i think you forgot the vomiting.

10/23/2005 07:24:00 PM  
Anonymous zowie said...

Very funny -- very painful, but very funny. Thanks.

10/24/2005 06:04:00 AM  
Blogger JD said...

Spot on! Funniest post I've read in weeks. And painfully true (for me anyway).

10/28/2005 11:13:00 PM  

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